who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Let's get the cat blown out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
