he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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