That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
