this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
