How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
