I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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