he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
