Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
