I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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