I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He shit in the fireplace
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
