"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
