I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
