I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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