So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
