As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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