I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
