While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
