Do you still have your period?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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