My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
