I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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