They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
