pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
