Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
