Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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