at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
