I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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