My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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