I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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