I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
