So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
