Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
