I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
