I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
