I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
