Sry I called you an 8
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
