Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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