Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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