1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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