This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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