Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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