They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
