I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
