It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
