(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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