So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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