I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
