1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
