i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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