you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
