I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
