i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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