Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Randomize
