i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
