I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
