Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
