I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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