if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your penis caused this!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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