Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
