Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
