Im at strip club and am horny
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
