i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
