she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
