can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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