he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
