she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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