i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
