Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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