When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
