FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The ass gains better be worth it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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