he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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