U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
