Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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