Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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