"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Michael Bay diarrhea
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
