The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
