smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
