Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
