You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
