Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
